Saturday, January 02, 2010

The weirdest thoughts arise in those hours when I have gone to bed and can't sleep, shifting my body to find that comfortable spot which keeps eluding me, thinking about how tomorrow is going to be so horrible because I will  be too tired from not sleeping. Sometimes I try to stop that by lying quietly and trying to let go of all of that boiling brain activity - all the thoughts that pop up and which led to other thoughts ad infinitum, I try to let those thoughts go and not run after them. And sometimes it feels like falling. Like all the conceptualization, all the thought processes that go into building our very identities and consciousness die down, and I actually stop being me. It's a bit counter-instinctual - forcing yourself to be non-responsive to your environment, and no longer interacting with it, becoming a happy, sleepy catatonic.